Seventh Day - The Reason

Some days are just a slog, hard to wake up, hard to keep moving. It's easy to be overwhelmed by the pain in the world, from across the sea to within my own heart. I remember a time in my life when those days would pull me under, when all I had to keep me going was me and sometimes that wasn't quite enough.

Then six years ago, something completely unexpected happened. Some guy told me that he had been put in my life by God, so that I "wouldn't give up". My initial reaction of course was to look for the nearest exit. I must have gotten distracted along the way because nine months later I married him. When we exchanged rings he gave the best, simplest and hardest promise to me, "I will never stop trying". And he never has. No matter what the challenge, no matter what misunderstandings and frustrations fill the moment, in the end he is always there, still there, still trying.

It was nearly untoppable, until he gave me the only thing better than himself and that was our son. When he was born my first words were "He's perfect" and "He is so worth it". Still the most appropriate words about him, five years later. Like any mom I could go on and on (and usually do) about the cute things he says and does, but what I want to write about today is the way he looks at me.

I'm not sure it is describable, but there is this moment that stops my heart every time. When I've dropped him off for preschool, we've put away his things, had our hugs and kisses and I'm out the door, I take one look back through the glass window. If it is late enough in the morning, the children will be circling on the carpet to start their day. He is always there, sitting up and watching me, eyes right on me, smiling, with such a look of love that I could never earn, not in a million years. Sometimes he blows a kiss, sometimes he waves, but always he is looking, with an expression of trust and adoration that humbles me to the bone.

These are my reasons, the man who won't stop trying and the boy who loves me beyond my worth. These are the reasons I will never go under, I will never stop fighting. When I think of all the people hurting across the world, whether from war, natural disaster or their own secret pain, this is my prayer. I pray that even in the midst of suffering, particularly in the midst of their suffering, that they be blessed as I have, each in their own way, with reasons to go on.