Fourth Day - Cover Letter

Not so much with the inspiration and contemplation today. I'm short on coffee, chocolate and sleep and it is beginning to show, especially after a half day of my least favorite activity. I am really tired of writing cover letters. Looking for full-time work for over two years now and just once I'd love to write a cover letter in my own words, saying exactly what is on my mind.

Dear Person-Who-Does-Not-Give-A-Crap:

Please find my resume enclosed for you to doodle on, that is, if you bother to print it out. The most important point I can make about my qualifications is that I do not suck. I know you'd like to see an airtight resume and a perfect transcript, but I don't have those things. All I can say is that when it comes to doing the work, I get it done. I have no doubt that your "preferred qualifications" include 10 years of experience, a stint in the peace corps and perfect pitch, but for the money you are paying, you should feel lucky to find someone without a criminal record.  Consider this, no one is more willing to take your crap than a forty-one year old coming off her longest stint of unemployment since that dry season between babysitting jobs in junior high. Throw in a family to support and it's highly likely that someone in my demographic will scrub your toilets on their lunch hour in order to keep a job. That twenty-something you think will work for 20k a year is going to steal your office supplies and make out with the FedEx guy and then quit six months in when she decides to go to graduate school in eco-design.

I could take a paragraph to illustrate how my skills and personality mesh perfectly with your corporate goals, but it seems a waste when your mission statement is probably a load of manure that would be unrecognizable to anyone who actually works for you. How about if you hire me, I won't call you on your BS if you don't call me on mine? We can pretend you have a global vision for the future and that my lunch was only half an hour. See? Win-win.

In closing, I'd like to thank you for your time,  as in, I'm sure that in the time it took you to read this letter, you have already determined that you will be closing this position, covering it in-house or giving the job to your cousin's boyfriend.

Sincerely,

Dramamama

PS: I can start by the first of next month.