The Project - Day 11

I thought I wasn’t going to have anything to write about tonight. I thought I’d be typing out the lyrics to Row, Row, Row your boat for an entire page. And then someone pissed me off. Someone REALLY pissed me off. If you have loved ones in your life, spouse, children, you know what I’m talking about. When someone is not good to the people you love, the desire to be not good right back is overwhelming. Just in case it is unclear, when I say “not good right back” I mean the desire to say exactly what I think in all it’s unadulterated cruelty and in any way possible deliver a world of pain to those who would manipulate or hurt the people I love.

The problem with this of course is that it solves nothing. I know it won’t even make me feel better. Not much anyway. Selfish people are usually too self centered to know when you’re insulting them, so it tends to dull the satisfaction of a well-aimed barb. Usually I deal with difficult people in my life by trying to understand what life circumstances led them to such a personality deficit. I try to find sympathy for the emptiness in their lives that leads them to their poor behavior so that I can get past an angry response. I try to recognize that whatever is going on, when someone is abusive, manipulative or just plain not nice, that it isn’t about me, it’s about them.

Yeah, that is not so much working for me at the moment. The priest at my church gig asks every week if we are going to forgive the people that have harmed us, that have hurt the ones we love and that bring damage to our lives. Every week I respond with everyone else, “Yes, father.” I’m just glad I don’t have to give that affirmative for at least another week, because I’m hanging on to this one for a bit.

I’m also glad my son is too young to understand that sometimes people who claim to love you can also treat you like crap. I’m not looking forward to the day when I have to explain that sometimes our “loved ones” behave in extremely unloving ways. On the bright side, I am supremely glad he has the excellent example of his father in his life. My husband is an object lesson in exceeding the limitations of both nature and nurture.  He’s far from perfect and he has his struggles, but he is my hero every time he makes a kind or thoughtful choice.

So yes, I’m mad. . .

Row, row, row your boat . . .

As in acting, it seems in writing, “angry” is not a terribly creative choice?  Not sure. If I could be more specific in sharing my feelings right now, I could come up with some extremely creative vocabulary that would aptly capture my mood of the moment.